First Class, First Fear

Monday nite we went to our first pregnancy class! I was sooooo excited. :) It was Healthy Pregnancy at Olathe Medical Center. We thought it was great, even though I was the only one really talking and answering questions (thanks alot, other people in class for making me THAT person, lol). The childbirth educator was a wonderful woman and she was laughing that I could probably teach the class considering how much preparation I had already done. I told her I was definitely considering becoming certified as a childbirth educator and doula at some point in the future.

The only part that was a problem for me was the tour of the maternity ward. I stepped into the birthing suite and even though it was very nice, I immediately tensed up. I must have had a terrified look on my face because Mark pulled me aside in the hall and wanted to know what was wrong. I didn't have an answer for him. As much as I'm surrounding myself with positive people who will help me achieve my natural birth, it's still a hospital. I'm seeing that I probably will have a lot of work to do to try to overcome my uncomfortable feelings about the hospital. When everything seems to ride on my ability to completely relax and give control over to what my body will do on its own, I don't want to have that fear in the back of my mind messing things up.

I don't really know what my subconscious thinks the hospital is going to do to me. I haven't had much experience with hospitals besides a couple of car accident emergency room visits and watching my grandmother die in one. I guess maybe I agree with the mindset is that the hospital is for SICK or INJURED people and if I'm having a low-risk pregnancy and birth....why the hell am I going to a hospital for that? I'm not sick...and i'm not injured!

Anyway i'm agreeing to a hospital birth at this point for a couple of reasons: I found an awesome OB and midwife that i have total confidence in their ability to respect me and my birth (Thanks Doula Sarah!), and Mark is really scared and I want him to have a certain level of comfort so he can not worry as much about what can go wrong and be there for me completely. Oh, and insurance doesn't cover home birth costs. lol.